


Sunbathing

by CrazyEyedMustafa



Category: Marathon (Video Games), Mass Effect - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Gen, Test Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-07
Updated: 2020-01-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:00:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22155169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrazyEyedMustafa/pseuds/CrazyEyedMustafa
Summary: “Been on a spacewalk before?”"Once or twice."
Comments: 2
Kudos: 2





	Sunbathing

**Author's Note:**

> A piece I had worked on some time ago. I fixed it up a bit, but there are probably a few errors. Set in my other fic, Paths Converged.  
> Set in ME3, during the Rannoch chapter.

“Shepard.” 

Shattering the silence brought everyone’s attention on him, some diverting their eyes in anticipation, others in skepticism. He’d seen the same looks many times before, only this time the looks thrown at him weren’t from only humans, and none had visible eye-implants. Some things never change, he thinks in exasperation. His hand is still on Shepard’s shoulder, her eyes begging him for some respite. He can see the inner vessels red and swollen. 

She’s afraid, he realizes. Collectors and Reapers have come and went with but a thought, but the thought of cold vacuum is the only thing he’s ever seen actually make the light behind her eyes go quiet.

Was he once the same? 

A distant echo of Joyeuse whispering to him brushes past in his mind, and he internally shakes it off. 

He looks aside for a moment, averting his gaze away from hers, only to lock eyes with the Prothean. The lone soldier looks at him with a sneer, as if he already knows what Roland intends to do. Roland stares back, two eyes meeting four. Oddly enough, it was like looking in a mirror. They were both soldiers from a forgotten time. At least Javik was lucky enough to get some sleep.

Never in his long life did Roland ever think he’d find himself envying an _alien_.

Then again, to them he might as well be the alien. 

Shepard’s shaky voice snaps him out of his thoughts. “What is it?”

_I am so going to regret this…_

Taking a deep breath, he utters, “You don’t have to do the walk. I’ll go.”

She doesn’t say two words. Just a nod, and a quiet, “Ok.” A few murmurs from the room, and Roland shuts his eyes in frustration, wishing the dramatics weren’t necessary. 

* * *

It isn’t until the airlock slams shut behind him that he begins to regret his decision. 

The airlock closes behind him with a resounding clang. A series of hisses and pops echo through the hull, and the lights dim. For a brief moment, he hears nothing. He can forget the war that was ensuing beyond those doors and in the nearby void. 

He is alone, for the first time in weeks. 

The realization echoes deep.

He misses it. 

“Enjoy it while it lasts,” he breathes to himself. A quick tap on his helmet to ensure it’s nice and snug. It took some time to acquire a helmet that was polarized, rousing confusion from the several requisition officers he met in search of one, but eventually he managed to find a dusted, old helmet in the ship’s armory. It reminded him of his old helmet, unexpectedly striking a note in his heart upon first examination. 

Yawning to pop the knot in his jaw, he flexes his fingers to loosen his nerves, making sure to check his pistol is still holstered in the process. Part of him is jealous that he hadn’t thought of adding disruptor tech to his weapons, but he doesn’t let the feeling rise. He had learned to not underestimate people long before he had met Tali, and the quarian’s ferocious will proved to be something to be reckoned with. Her knowledge on weaponry was slightly alarming at first, but he decided not to dwell on it when she modified his weapons to be more effective against the Geth.

Who would’ve thought a teenage girl could be just a little scary...let alone one smaller than him by two heads. 

His helmet’s communicator practically erupts, and he clutches at his helmet as the the last voice he wants to hear comments snarkily, _“Well, this frequency looks nice and cozy. Was wondering why everyone’s here. Turns out my favorite, resident badass with a death wish is doing something crazy again.”_

He groans, “Fuck you, Joker.”

The pilot laughs, albeit with a hint of hesitation in his voice. _“How you holding up?”_

Shaking off the ringing in his ears, he rasps, “In one piece.”

 _“Well, try and stay that way you hear? Looks like a grinder out there.”_ Roland had only caught a brief glimpse of the battle occurring in Rannoch’s orbit before, and it did not look pleasant. He speaks aside, _“EDI, lemme know when he gets to the other side. Or blown up. Or something.”_

“Thanks for the support.” He frowns, remembering what Joker had said a moment earlier, and asks, “Wait, who else is on the comms?”

Joker exhales deeply, _“Hell, I think...everyone? Oh, and Javik, I guess.”_

Roland immediately wishes he hadn’t spoken up for once, as his earpiece erupts into what sounds like a hundred voices, buzzing all at once, _“Joker!”_ He winces at the loud interruption, lowering the volume just after hearing Joker retort back in offense. 

_“Oh c’mon, the poor guy deserves to know! You all are a bunch of creeps.”_

Ignoring the fact that he actually agrees with him, Roland tries to get a word in through the commotion on the other side. “Hey, is the door going to open or…?”

But it proved fruitless as more voices try to talk over each other:

_“I was just going to ask a question, you boshtet!”_

_“I would rather everyone except for those who are assigned to this mission—”_

_“In my cycle, we did not devote energy to petty squabbles such—”_

_“Am I the only one here who just wanted to hear how everything’s going—”_

_“_ **_Everyone, shut up!”_ **

The commanding order mercifully silenced the cacophony of voices, and Roland is grateful Shepard stepped in before he could scream at everyone. Letting out a sigh, the Commander asks in a slightly unsettling cheery tone, “Roland, everything okay? You’ve been standing still for three minutes now.”

“The door won’t open.”

Silence fills the frequency for a moment, and Roland opens his mouth to reiterate his statement when EDI chimes, “There is a button next to the airlock, Officer Roland.”

He takes his eyes off the floor to see that a very obvious button was placed by the hatch. “Oh,” he remarks, and cringes at how stupid he must sound to everyone listening in. 

Confirming his suspicion, one of the quarian Admirals, Han’Gerrel he recalls, asks snidely, _“And this is the one who slew the Reaper?”_

Garrus drones antagonistically, _“He can hear you too, you know.”_

Noticing the absence of a specific voice, he asks, “You there Shepard?”

Another voice cuts in with a sniff, following up in a reassuring tone, _“With you every step of the way.”_

He allows himself to smile, albeit a little grimly. “Good to hear.”

It feels odd to have someone he can rely on, other than an AI. When was the last time he’d worked with a real person? Blake, probably. Shit, that must be…

He tries to count the years in his head.

_“You’ve got this, man.”_

He can’t hear Joker. 

He can barely hear the words coming out of his own mouth.

“I feel cold.”

Either no one hears him, or they choose not to respond.

Wanting to get this over with, he thumbs the button, and waits.

One one thousand. Two one thousand. Three—

A warm white glow bleeds through his eyelids, and he opens them to see the doors have parted, revealing the tube going and on. In the distance, he could see the entrance to the Geth ship, the behemoth looking far more imposing now then when he was back in the _Normandy._

And Roland can’t breathe. 

This was a _terrible_ idea.

His throat twists itself in knots, refusing to listen to his mind’s commands. He only needs to take a single step, but he realized his legs refuse to budge as well. 

He couldn’t hear a single sound, only the faint beat of his heart.

Millions of glass and metal shards dance in place, the light from the planet below igniting the tube in a minute lightshow. Roland watches the debris float, distracting himself from moving forward. Completely engulfing the left side of his vision is Rannoch’s enormous wake, the planet glowing in the twilight sun, and beneath the ferocious battle taking place in its upper atmosphere. 

He’d never even seen the planet until yesterday, and his heart already pains for its injuries.

When was the last time he’d even been in vacuum?

Was it when… 

No. He shook his head, refusing to remember.

His throat finally relents, and he can feel his lungs sigh in relief. 

He blinks, wondering if he was still dreaming, and takes a deep breath. 

He takes a step, then another. Three steps.

Four.

He never thought he’d miss teleports. What he’d give to just jump across and completely bypass any reason for all this.

For once a bystander to chaos, Roland slowly makes his way across the tube, making sure not to step through gaps in the floor. The past few days have been going so fast that he hadn’t been able to find a moment to breathe. Constant noise led to him resorting to hiding in the engineering deck when everyone else was asleep. He can’t sleep in the crew quarters, not when everyone snores so damn loud. 

His own breathing comforts him. 

It drowns out the whispers in his ears, whispers speaking in tongues he cannot hear, but understand. 

He’s deep enough in his thoughts that he doesn’t notice the empty space beneath his lowering foot, and momentarily panics when he almost trips onto the metal floor. He quickly catches himself, and closes his eyes to calm himself down.

What the hell is wrong with him? Since when did he get so easily distracted?

_You’re getting soft, old man…_

_I’m not even old, damn it. I’m twenty-three years old. Twenty-three._

_Fuck._

The fact that he can’t even bring himself to almost believe his own lie pains him. 

He hasn’t been twenty-three in a long time.

Mercifully, Tali’s voice invades his ears. _“How’s the view?”_

He sighs in relief. Talking with Tali. He can do that. Looking to his left, he watches missiles and slugs explode and impact in the distance, all the while illuminating the planet below. He speaks honestly. “Pretty.” Sifting through his thoughts, he adds, “Wish you could see it.”

 _“Really?”_ The genuine sincerity in her voice manages to fill Roland with warmth, if only a little bit.

“I mean it,” whispers Roland. “Hey Shepard?”

_“I’m here.”_

“Is it too late to change my mind?”

He heard a few chuckles from the other end, with Shepard following up, _“I can send Garrus out instead if you’d like.”_

_"Do I get a say in this?"_

_“I would have thrown it out the airlock had it not done so itself.”_ The Prothean’s seething words leaked through the comm, and Roland was half tempted to turn and head back down the tube to have a nice talk with Javik himself. He looks back, and decides against it upon seeing how far the Normandy has become. He is already more than halfway to the Geth ship. 

“Not getting shot at for once is a nice change,” he remarks sarcastically. “Actually have some time to relax.”

 _“Been on a spacewalk before?”_ Joker asks.

Memories of silent gunfire and draining oxygen come back to him. He glances aside to Rannoch. 

It reminds him of Tau Ceti. He remembered looking up at it before Leela teleported him back into the _Marathon’s_ depths. Before he would meet Durandal some time later. 

At least he still remembers Tau Ceti. And Durandal.

It isn’t until then Roland realizes how much he misses him.

“Once or twice.”


End file.
